NeS2 Post 1832
NeS2 Post 1832 begins with Britt the Legend wherein Britt, Polly the Jupiterian, Ohqeanos Simon, Kaptin Kwanza and the American Hulk are in a rocket ship bound for the planet Jupiter. When Britt learns Polly is from Jupiter he wants to get off because of his previous experience with such a woman but he's stuck as Professor Prime and Romanov count down to lift-off. Britt enters sleep where he briefly sees The Negotiator before he wakes up to find their ship is orbiting a strange planet because Kwanza ignored the gas-giant of Jupiter. The planet turns out to be Espa-nol. In the present Brittica X leads the Cult of X and Antestarr to Prime Inc. in Rome where they find the temperature has drastically dropped. They stumble upon the newborn baby daughter of Al Ciao and LightSide and give the baby, now named Lior, to Al Ciao. Mecha Lou tells them to run as she is attacked by a great evil and Al Ciao flees to protect the baby, while the Cult of X and Antestarr stand their ground. The mass of villains who had escaped Prime Inc. now arrive at Athena's Colosseum where Athena and Ares declare that they shall be the new line-up for an epic battle royale and Amal and Evil G are made the leaders of the two sides. Post Britt the Legend - Chapter Thirty-Two Britt: The Legend - Chapter Thirty-Two Britt tried not to breathe too heavily onto the glass of his helmet. The world felt smaller, tighter, more claustrophobic since he donned the space helmet. He struggled to turn his head to look at his co-pilots. Britt: "How did you convince me to do this again?" Ohqeanos: "You'll do your country proud!" Britt: "My country hasn't existed for centuries." Ohqeanos: "I'll buy you doughnuts?" Britt: "Hate them!" Ohqeanos: "... sure we're related?" Britt: "You tell me!" From behind Britt, Kaptin Kwanza piped up. Kaptin: "For the adventure, Britt! Remember!? The adventure!!" Britt: "Oh right... yippee..." Britt twirled his gloved finger in the air. Ohqeanos tested the mic and through it the voice of Professor Prime came through clearly. Prime: "Good luck, everybody." Kaptin: "With luck our engines will fail and we'll be stranded on a spacestation and have to fight off hordes of alien beasties!" Britt squirmed in his seat as he tried to turn around and glare venom at his long-term friend. As he turned his head he caught sight of the hulking brute from earlier. Britt: "Remind me why that man-beast is coming with us?" A second voice came through the speaker. Romanov: "He needs to have an outing. It'll help give him a better understanding of the world. Get his mind in gear." Hulk: "AMMMMEEEEEERICA!" The hulk of a man grinned at Britt with childish glee. Britt: "I hope my health insurance is paid for." Ohqeanos: "It is." Britt: "And why is my captor coming with us?" Polly: "I didn't really capture you..." Kaptin: "You shot me." Polly: "You're fine now, aren't you?" Ohqeanos: "Well, she's with us because... she's not from Earth." There was a moment of silence in the spacecraft. Ohqeanos: "She's from Jupiter." Britt's eyes widened. Britt: "WHAT!?" He started slapping buttons close to him. Britt: "Where's the ejector seat!?" Ohqeanos: "Calm down! What's the problem!? This is why you're coming with us, you've made this trip before!" Britt: "Because they're bonkers! Last Jupiterian woman I met tried to feed me to a god... bird... thing." There was another moment of silence. Kaptin: "Wow... the adventures I missed..." Britt: "I want OFF!" Suddenly the count-down began. Britt: "... you did that on purpose." Ohqeanos: "We're going to be the first humans to land on Jupiter!" Britt: "..." Ohqeanos: "Well... for the second time..." Britt: "I would have bought the t-shirt, but everyone there wears next to nothing." Ohqeanos' eyes lit up and he stared vacantly at Britt until Polly interrupted his train of thought. Polly: "Head out of the clouds, please." Ohqeanos: "Right... final checks." Polly: "Don't worry, Britt, dear, I won't feed you to any gods." Britt: "Sure. I believe you." Polly: "I'll just sacrifice you to the Lord of the Mountain and feast on your bones." Britt: :o Ohqeanos: "Hah! She's such a tease!" Britt's head turned to face Ohqeanos slowly. Britt: "Deluded fool..." Professor Prime's voice chimed in with the final countdown. Prime: "Ten." Britt: "Wait, what if I have to pee?" Prime: "Nine." Ohqeanos: "Pee in you suit." Prime: "Eight." Britt: "EEW! I thought people were supposed to be MORE civilised!?" Prime: "Seven." Britt: "Look, I really want off. I don't want to go!" Prime: "Four." Britt: "Huh? Did he just skip some numbers?" Prime: "No?" Britt: "You totally di--!!" Prime: "BLAST OFF!!" Britt: "WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" The engines ignited. Kaptin: "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The Cold War sci-fi rocket left the ground. Polly: "I'll have to bake us some celebratory cookies when we arrive!" The rocket soared through the skies of the Earth. Ohqeanos: "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!!!!" The rocket broke through the atmosphere and entered the dark of space. Hulk: "AAAAAMEEEEEEERICAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" The rocket cruised away from the Earth and Britt got to see the little blue planet for the second time. Ohqeanos: "Time to sleep!" Britt: "Wait, you're putting me to sleep!? Not a goo-- ZzzzzzzzzZ..." The X-Jet comes to a slithering stop on Italian soil, right outside of Prime Inc. Brittica X steps off of the plane and looks up at the sign. Brittica X: "I want to go back in time and kill my best friend." Antestarr: "Don't we all?" Brittica X: "CyclopsCyclops (Marvel Comics) article, Wikipedia.!" Rob X: "Dude, I'm not Cyclops." Cygnus X: "Great, can we switch then!?" Rob X: "Whoa, no way!" Cygnus X: "Damn. Why do I have to be Jean GreyJean Grey article, Wikipedia.? Shouldn't Brittica X be Jean Grey?" Brittica X: "I'm the wise old master, so I'm XavierProfessor X article, Wikipedia.. Stop complaining, Jean." Rob X pokes the door but it doesn't budge. Antestarr: "How do we get in?" Brittica X approaches the door and, like Rob X, pokes the scanner. Door: "Welcome." Rob X: "You really are Professor X!!" Brittica X marvels (heheh) at her own hands. Brittica X: "Okay, BeastBeast (comics) article, Wikipedia., you're up." No one moves. Brittica X turns and stares at Antestarr. Antestarr: "Huh? You meant me?" Britt: "Stop spoiling it, Antestarr!" Antestarr: "Oops?" Antestarr strides into the building, the rest of the Cult of X at his back. Brittica X peeks from behind Antestarr's back, to see if any danger lurked on the other side. Antestarr: "All clear, Professor." Brittica X: "Brill. Hey, wait. Do you hear that?" Antestarr: "Sounds like... like..." Rob X: "Football fans?" ---------- In the U.S.A., Arkng Thand whips his headphones off as white noise suddenly fills his ears. He stares at them with a frown on his face. He moves back to the library and takes out of the original text and lays it flat on his desk. He opens the pages to find that the entire section appears to have water split all over it. Yet he knows it isn't water. It's time distortion. He puts his palm on the book's page and watches as the writing reacts to his touch, forming words and sentences again, until he can continue reading it. ---------- Britt: The Legend - Chapter Thirty-Two and a Bit The Negotiator: "Nearly there, Sleeper." Britt: "Nearly where, exactly? Jupiter?" The Negotiator: "The new beginning." Britt: "New... beginning? Of what?" The Negotiator: "The contracts have been signed. The plans are made." Britt: "What contracts? And what plans? For the Story, you mean?" The Negotiator: "You really shouldn't sleep so much." Britt: "Well if you want to complain about that, perhaps you should have made my eternal life more efficient." The Negotiator: "Your life is not eternal." Britt: "Wha--?" ----------- Britt snapped awake and stared out of the window at the planet before them. It was strange, the planet looked very un-Jupiter-like. He glanced around the cockpit to find everyone else was still sleeping. Britt: "Lazy sods." Hulk: "Zzzz...merica...ZZZZzzz" As he stared at them a cunning plan forms in his mind. A wicked grin streaks across his face. A felt pen emerged from his pocket. Kaptin: "Dude." Britt: "WAAAAAAAARGH!!!!" Britt and Kaptin flounder about on the floor, scrabbling for the pen as though it were a sword. They rolled until they hit the chair belonging to Polly. The wake-up sequence turned itself on. Somehow. Technology, right? Britt: "How are you even awake!!?" Kaptin: "I'm dead, I can't sleep!" Britt: "All these weeks?" Kaptin: "Weeks? Ha! Try months! I've been bored to tears. Or I would if I could cry." Britt: "Can we get up now? And give me my pen back. You ruined a perfectly good prank, you know? Scaring the bejesus out of me." Polly: "Did I just hear... months?" Britt: "The evil Queen of Jupiter is awake then." Kaptin: "That's right. It's been terrible. I don't think it was fair to leave me with the responsibility to wake you lot up just because I'm dead. It's discrimination. Just because I'm mortally challenged!" Polly: "It should only have taken weeks!" Kaptin: "Uh... really? I only woke Britt up when we came to a planet..." Polly: "We came to no other planets?" Kaptin: "Nope." Polly got up and activated the wake-up sequence on Ohqeanos. As she leant over his chair, the yellow lights of the cockpit caught her youthful features and, for a brief moment, Britt was struck by her unearthly beauty. It didn't last long as he remembered the previous Jupiterian was also beautiful. And insane. Polly looked at the world outside. Then at Kaptin. Kaptin: "... Well... There was one other planet. But it was a big ball of gas, so I ignored it. And I was playing MinecraftMinecraft article, Wikipedia. at the time. Man, those exploding green guys are a pain. Scared the crap outta me." Both Britt and Polly facepalm. Kaptin: "I still get scared! Just because I'm mortally challenged--" Britt: "That WAS Jupiter. It looks like gas, but beneath that swirlling gas cloud there's a weird planet with half-naked men and women prancing about!" Ohqeanos: "How... did you know my dream?" Polly: "We're talking about Jupiter." Ohqeanos: "Oh right. That's... what I was dreaming about... yeah..." Britt: "Where the buggery are we, if not Jupiter?" Polly: "Not in our solar system. Turn communications on. Let's see if there's anything down there." The Comms system sprang to life and a battery of voices overwhelm the cockpit. Ohqeanos tampered with the settings until just one stream could be heard. The voice seemed to have a strangely Mexican sound... Voice: "Get the best holiday packages in all of Espa-nol! See the Costa del Sol, Seville Cathedral or visit the island of Ibiza! We even offer trips to our Earth-bound, and inferior, counterparts at discount prices!" Ohqeanos: "An entire planet of... hispania?" Voice: "Be sure to pick up your complimentary tacos!" Antestarr re-enters Prime Inc and shrugs to the Cult of X members. Antestarr: "I just saw the Pope speed by, screamed something about supervillains storming towards the Colosseum. I guess we just missed them." Rob X: "Some of your pals might be with 'em, Antestarr." Antestarr casts a cold stare at Rob X. Antestarr: "You may be right." As the group stand and chat about the oddity of the situation the room around them becomes colder and colder. In just a few minutes, their breath has turned to steam and ice is forming on the windows. Brittica X: "Wow. Who turned the A.C. to insta-freeze? Brrrrrrrr!" She tries to rub her arms and glances down, when she stops and stares. Antestarr: "Brittica... you're not meant to stare at your own nipples." Brittica X: "Mmmmm... what? Oi! What're you lot gawking at!?" The cultists jump from their cold-induced fantasy and try to look at something - anything - else in the room. Antestarr: "I guess the previous Oracles hadn't caught up with bras yet." Brittica X: "Apparently..." Antestarr: "Stop staring." Brittica X: "They're mine!" Cygnus X: "So can we--?" Brittica X: "No way! I'm not gay-- Uhhhh, as in... happy. For that to happen. Ever." Antestarr, who has been wearing a suitable evil cloak since he joined the cult, sweeps it from his shoulders and offers it to Brittica. Brittica X: "You think it's okay to treat me like a frail girl just be--" Antestarr: "To stop you distracting yourself." Brittica: "... fair enough!" She ties the cloak-laces and slumps the menacingly bedraggled cloak across her chest. The beautiful, almost cute, appearance of Aetas pokes out of the ominous black shroud of cloth. Not that Brittica could appreciate the oddity of her own appearance. Antestarr: "Shall we investigate this chill?" Cygnus X: "You want to go towards the evil?" Antestarr: "How do you know it's evil?" Cygnus X: "It's freezing the entire building. It's got to be something evil." Brittica X: "Jean's right." Cygnus X: "My name's Cyg--" Brittica X: "But that's why I put together the X-MenX-Men article, Wikipedia.! To fight evil mutants!" Antestarr: "I thought we were looking for TLTE?" Brittica X: "Shhhhhh! Don't just shout it! He's probably in here, making this cold!!" Rob X: "By mucking about with the A.C.? Pretty sure he's got more important things to be doing." Antestarr: "Let's just fine out, shall we?" ---------- Lawyer #2: "Now that you're a father, you should really consider life insurance. I can give you a very reasonable rate." Al Ciao: "I really don't think--" Lawyer #2: "Come now! A hero like you, constantly in danger? And I can even give you cover for all your offspring. Of which I'm sure there's a few, eh? Am I right? Go get 'em, tiger. Now, just sign here." Al Ciao: "I suppose you've got a point. Wait, what's all this small print?" Lawyer #2: "Don't you worry about that, Sir. It's just the legal mumbo-jumbo." Al Ciao: "Says something about all my earthly possessions... my soul... my organs..." Lawyer #2: "Exactly. Mumbo-jumbo! Now that you've signed that, how about your kids? Any of them old enough to be popping out sprogs of their own?" The cries of anguish from the room next door grow louder and more fervent. Al Ciao turns from the babbling lawyer and stares, wide-eyed, through the glass. Al Ciao: "Please... please... please..." Lawyer #2: "Uh... maybe you should leave, Sir. It could get dangerous." Al Ciao: "You're a very thoughtful lawyer." Lawyer #2: "Yes I am. If you die now, we have to pay your kids money. I'd rather not do that. So! Shall we be off?" Antestarr: "Al!?" Lawyer #2: "Uh oh! NeSferatu bites are NOT covered by our contract, Sir. If you get bitten you're technically undead, and therefore not dead dead. Like not properly dead. It was all there in the fine print." Al Ciao: "The mumbo-jumbo bit?" Lawyer #2: "That's a terrible attitude to have, Sir. You only have yourself to blame if you don't bother to read that crucially important fine print." Al Ciao: "But you said--" Antestarr: "Is this... yours?" Antestarr looks down at the child in Al Ciao's arms. The two men then look at each other and Antestarr joins Al in a rare smile. Antestarr: "Congrats, my friend." Al Ciao: "Thank you. She's beautiful, isn't she?" Antestarr: "Another girl?" Al Ciao: "Of c-- actually I haven't checked. I just assumed, they're all girls so far..." Brittica X: "X-Men! Piley-on!!!!" Suddenly the Cult of X all dive on Al Ciao, who manages to hold his baby up in the air long enough for Antestarr to rescue from the pile of human limbs. Antestarr waits for a while before interrupting the idiocy. Antestarr: "Guys, he's not the villain you're looking for." Brittica X: "Jedi mind tricks won't work on me, Obi-WanObi-Wan Kenobi article, Wikipedia.!" Antestarr: "I thought I was Beast?" Brittica X: "You're whatever cultural reference I decide you are." She clambers from underneath the hillock of bodies. Maxim X: "I can't feel my... anything..." Brittica X: "Alright, alright. Get off him. He's way too ginger to be TLTE. Even in disguise TLTE wouldn't have hair that outrageous." Al Ciao: "Why are you look--" CRACK!!!! Rob X: "What the--!?" Three bodies suddenly slammed into the glass wall of a room otherwise filled with mysterious and mystical fog. Mecha Lou, who is pinned facing the glass, manages to groan out a sentence. Mecha Lou: "Fly... you... fools!" The three of them are then suddenly dragged back again into the mist. The black fog seems to get thicker and thicker before it begins to seep through the cracks that had formed in the glass from the slamming of bodies into it. Cygnus X: "Definitely in favour of flying. Or fleeing. Or running. Or whatever the robo-woman said." Al Ciao: "But, my--" Antestarr puts a hand on Al Ciao's shoulder and passes him Lior, the baby. Antestarr: "You have a child to protect, Al. Go." Al Ciao looks down at the baby. He thinks of his other children. f Iriana. Of the alien... thing. Of Lucy. He was never there for Iriana. He couldn't be there for... the alien. And he isn't permitted into Lucy's life. But now he has Lior and it's now time for him to be the father he has never been before. He runs, child in arm. Antestarr: "We should put up a stand to give Al some time to escape with the baby." Cygnus X: "Why are we going to risk our lives for them?" Maxim X: "Because we're X-Men!!" Rob X: "No! Because we're the Cult of X. And we stand our ground in the name of Plot!" Brittica X: "Well said, Rob. Enough of the X-Men stuff. Get ready!" The black mist suddenly lurches at the glass, which shudders the whole room. Brittica looks sidelong at Antestarr. Brittica X: "And you? Why're you here? Where's your sudden heroic duty re-emerged from?" Antestarr: "My friend has a child..." He then gives Brittica X another rare smile. Antestarr: "Besides, you guys are here. Can't desert you now, can I?" ---------- The villains finally barge their way into the Colosseum and group up in the centre of the arena. At the dead centre of that arena stands a single figure. A lone man. Ares: "Welcome! To the Colosseum!!" Totallyevil: "What the--? Does this guy own a monopoly on all Colosseums or something?" Ares: "Actually I'm just here for the opening ceremony of this Colosseum. This Colosseum belongs to--" Athena: "Athena!! God of Wisdom and War!" Ares: "And you are all the new combatants for the latest series of pay-per-view battles of epicness!" Adolf Hitler: "Nothing like a war to celebrate our freedom!!" There is a begrudging acceptance of this truth, though no one really wants to agree with a creep like Adolf Hitler. Athena: "Form up into two teams and prepare for battle!!" Ares: "Ladies and gentleman at home, prepare yourselves for the greatest event of the season!" Evil G: "This is our chance to escape!" Chris the BadGuy: "We should make our saviours the leaders of our teams!" Villains: "YEEEEAH!!" Evil G: "Crap..." Totallyevil: "Wait, who the Hell're you anyway? Why do you have a name!?" Chris the BadGuy: "Because I'm important! Somehow. Maybe I will be! Bwahahahaha!" Totallyevil: "They just don't write villains like they used to..." Chris the BadGuy: "C'mon! Cut me some slack! I have an evil lair and everything!" Totallyevil: "You do?" Chris the BadGuy: "Yeah! I claimed it ten minutes ago. It was the women's bathroom, but now it's decked out with evil paraphernalia. I'm going to turn one of the toilet stalls into a pit of oblivion." Totallyevil: "I want to be on the opposing team to this cretin!" Chris the BadGuy: :( References External References Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post